allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize