I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
