if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
