Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
