I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
