We're facebook friends in real life
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
