I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize