so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
