My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't like sucking hair
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
