I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
