He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
