yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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