how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
