sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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