Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
false alarm. still invincible.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
