fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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