Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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