Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
