tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize