actually, I'm a sock model
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
that is very illegal...i love you.
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