Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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