my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
