So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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