I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk is a universal language darling
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
