cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
