I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
