dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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