Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
