they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
