i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
