I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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