How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just pee around me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
