His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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