If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize