Having a random hookup so left but love u
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
