saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently you make a good broom.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
