Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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