Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
