I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
