Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize