you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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