There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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