i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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