I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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