I want to have your abortion
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
