So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
