we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
