apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
