I want to have your abortion
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
