I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize