new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
