Your dad touched me again.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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