Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
