So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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