Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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