Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
