I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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