At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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