CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
