At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
