HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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