i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
