so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
