She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
