Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
