saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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