did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i think my cat just said my name.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
