I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
