omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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