I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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