I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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