so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
