You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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