im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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